A moment to look back.

December 16, 2004.

They say that a lot can change in a year. You don't notice the little changes along the way, but then you look back and realize that everything has changed.

A lot can change in a year. Everything can change in seven.

Usually, around this time of year, no matter where I am, who I am, who I'm with, or what I'm going through, I start having those feelings again. It's just how it is, how it's always been. It's December. It's Christmas. It's our day. Today.

Not this time. Not anymore. I'm not letting the past control my feelings anymore. Things change. Feelings change. People change. Everything changes.

Seven years. I don't regret a thing. Not a single, damn thing. And that's how I'm going to live my life. I'm going to live for today, and for the future. Not for December 16, 2004. Not for the memory of a love that we shared on a day that I will never get back.

The moment you just get fed up.

I'm sick and tired of keeping up this image. I just want to break and have that be okay.

The moment my life gets turned upside down...

...again.

I know this is what we need. I know we would not make it in the long run without this. I know that this is what has to happen, because I myself am confused about my emotions... because I don't even think I know myself.

It's just so weird not saying "I love you." Not kissing him goodnight. Not knowing that I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life. It's so weird how nothing has really changed, but at the same time everything has changed. It's still early in this whole process... I just don't really know how to act at any given moment when he's here or we're hanging out. I know that things will work out however they're supposed to in the end... I'm putting 100% faith in Him to guide me to the next step in my life. A lot of things are changing right now and I think, more than anything, I'm just scared. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of losing him. But most of all, as always, I'm scared of making a mistake.

The moment I could use somebody.

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could use somebody,

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak.
Countless lovers under cover of the street.
You know that I could use somebody,
Someone like you.

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep,
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat.
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me.

Hate (n.):

1. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

2. expressing or arousing feelings of hatred; hate mail.

Accepted Truth #1: Most of the time, it takes more energy to hate someone than to love someone.

Accepted Truth #2: Hate is almost always deeply rooted in feelings of jealousy and resentment.

So, keep wasting all of your energy on hating me, and I'll continue focusing my energy and spending my time on bettering myself and my life.