The moment life begins.

When is it really? I remember I spent all of last summer wishing that August would get here faster, so that Holden and I could move in, and our life together could finally start. Once we get into the apartment... once we get away from everyone else... once we get settled in... It will all get better. This is our life really coming together.

A few weeks ago, we went to look at a new (nicer) apartment, and to apply for new jobs. Again I found myself saying, if we can just get this apartment, if I can just get this job... things will start to come together. Our life will really start.

So what's one, two, five years down the road then? Will I ever feel like my life has already begun, or will I always be stuck in that place where it's just about to start, and if things would just fall into place then it would be fabulous? Will it be when we get married? When I graduate? Get my Master's, my PhD? When we build a house? Start a family? When I get a full-time, salaried job?

I feel like we're just stuck in-between. How do I go from a 13-year old kid to an adult taking out loans and paying mortgages? Cause I still feel like I'm just a kid, yet all of this stuff is coming up in the so-near-distant future.

And then I sit back, re-read this, and think about it... and in reality, my life began a long time ago. Why should I be sitting around, waiting for my real life to begin, missing out on the moments that life is offering me right now? This is my life. And it started on December 16, 2004, when a boy opened my eyes up to what life and happiness really were. This is our life. And it's not always glamorous. It's not perfect. But that doesn't mean that it's not real, that it doesn't belong to us. We don't know what the hell we're doing or where the hell we're going, but we're going, and we're going together. This life is my own. It has begun. It is my life. And I am responsible for it. I can't ignore it anymore.