Could I have known that my blog post, August 14, 2009 would be so very true? My life since that day has not been the same, and I feel myself falling further and further each day.
The biggest crossroad of my life to date... and it's one that I never expected. Choosing between being with my best friend and not? What kind of choice is that. Apparently, the most difficult one I've ever made, because it's tearing me apart.
And the worst part is, that I know... I do... want back what we had. What kills me is that the feeling is not there anymore. And it's terrifying... terrifying to think that such strong feelings and love and experiences are gone like, that. But I don't know him... I've missed him so very much... and I still do. The one who was mine... who was us... who was our drives, and dinners, and movies and beaches.
But somehow, I had to say no. I'm resisting, and it's breaking my heart, but still, I'm going... I have to. For me. I know I do, despite the pain. It's a bittersweet loss, a bittersweet victory. But I know that I'm not alone.
I don't understand my life
Or the version that chose you
And the warring hearts and winter came
Now there's nothing left to do
And I cannot reach the world today
Cause I'm suffering from two
And the more I think, the more we die
As I walk away from you.