Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Two Roads to Walk Down...

...and one road to choose.

Could I have known that my blog post, August 14, 2009 would be so very true? My life since that day has not been the same, and I feel myself falling further and further each day.

The biggest crossroad of my life to date... and it's one that I never expected. Choosing between being with my best friend and not? What kind of choice is that. Apparently, the most difficult one I've ever made, because it's tearing me apart.

And the worst part is, that I know... I do... want back what we had. What kills me is that the feeling is not there anymore. And it's terrifying... terrifying to think that such strong feelings and love and experiences are gone like, that. But I don't know him... I've missed him so very much... and I still do. The one who was mine... who was us... who was our drives, and dinners, and movies and beaches.

But somehow, I had to say no. I'm resisting, and it's breaking my heart, but still, I'm going... I have to. For me. I know I do, despite the pain. It's a bittersweet loss, a bittersweet victory. But I know that I'm not alone.

I don't understand my life

Or the version that chose you

And the warring hearts and winter came

Now there's nothing left to do

And I cannot reach the world today

Cause I'm suffering from two

And the more I think, the more we die

As I walk away from you.


Asher said...

I have no idea who you are. I random;y stumbled upon this. But it is true. It really is just a part of growing up, something I have realized I wanted as of late. It is heart rending and painful, but all growth is painful. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Chelsea. I am proud of you. You are my hero girl! love you so much!