Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The moment you finally get into the swing of things...

For a while, I was worried that we'd never get out of this rut. I was so afraid that things would never change. I just kept saying, "we haven't gotten used to the schedules, the classes, the stress," but I feared that what we couldn't get used to... was us.
But for the first time in a long time, I was so happy I cried. I ran to him when I got home and jumped into his arms. I found the balance, and the worries of school and life faded away. I figured out how to separate the us time from the everything else time. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I know I should. For a while I was worried that I would never get better. Because I knew it was me. Because I hated to think that it was us. But, now I know... this is right.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The moments I get to be young again...

I guess it's because I had to grow up so fast, take so much responsibility from such a young age, that it's such a relief to cut loose. It's like all of the responsibilities of life got shifted back a few years. Bills, jobs, cleaning... caring about what to eat, caring about how loud music is, caring about groceries. Dinner and a movie night is a blessing, not a regular thing. And there are more important things to spend money on than clothes, movies, and shows. It makes you appreciate those moments more. The moments I get to do what I should be doing at this age. Enjoying my life before all of the real stresses kick in.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The moments my weakness comes back to me...

There's no rhyme or reason to it. I'm not unhappy. It's a compulsion... an addiction almost. It's like it's something that makes me who I am... something I can't let fade. I know I don't want it. I know I don't even need it. But when I'm reminded of it, the urge is still there. Maybe without it I won't be reminded of who I was, but that's not what I have to be from now on. I can be free of it. I can remember without the pain.