Saturday, August 23, 2008

Caution: Not suitable for children...

Sixteen years of age.

Once one reaches eighteen, they are considered an adult. Ever stopped to think about that one? Age is simply a number. And because studies have proven that the majority of the uneducated, misled, and misfit society cannot handle "adult" things until the age of eighteen, the rest of the world has taken to condemning the underaged, using their years as a prison, keeping them from what they are allowed to experience.

Well, hypocrites of the world, think about it this way. A child of six or seven watches his/her parents physically fighting. Or, a child sees his/her father in a drunken rage, or his/her mother stay at home all day, unable to be effective in the world. Think about the child of divorce. You can send the child to therapy and try to make them understand that it's not the child's fault that mommy and daddy split up. Really. You think your child is dumb enough to think that? No no, oh wise parents, it's not the divorce that tears your kid up. It's the loss of both parents that slowly wears on the child who, oblivious to the deterioration, goes on like life is supposed to be that way. Really, it's any kid who has had their parents taken, by divorce, death, drugs, or simple abandonment. A child has to face the trials of growing up - middle, junior high, and high school. Whether they have the support they need or not. What does one do in a situation of great desperation? Give in, or do it oneself, whether it's the "right way" or not.

We are not weak. We are stubborn. And we do not give up.

Eight, nine, ten years down the road, you parents wish to control us. You say to us, "You are not an adult, I still control you. You are still my child." I'm sorry? Did you say child? Do you know what we were like as children? As teens? Did you bring us through the hard times? Can you really know what's best for us when you don't even know us as people? Hmm...

Tell us.
Where does childhood end and adulthood start? Agreed, it should be eighteen. No one should have to deal with shit like that until at least that age. But where has it been...?

And you want to tell us that we're not capable of experiencing these things. Feeling these things. That we can't handle ourselves and our emotions.

No. We refuse to accept all of the pain and none of the reward. If you wanted to treat us like children, then you should've been there when we were.

But, we must say thank you. Thank you for trusting us with the task of shaping ourselves as people. Because now, we know who we are. We are us. We are not clones of you; we are not who you want us to be. We love who we are. We love each other. And we love our lives.
We can be what you never were.

We live in the moment.
We love every minute.
We are the future.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Sun = Bad

So, I've been doing this whole band camp for what, four years now? You'd think that I'd have the whole routine down. Yeah, well apparently not.

It started out at the beginning of the week with a pretty normal, mild-ish sunburn. Then the next day got worse. My face got burned so badly that it hurts to brush my hair (don't ask how that works), and I got the most ridiculous tan lines I had ever seen (pick necklace, ponytail, bangs, etc.)

Then today, well, actually it started yesterday, but today my eyes got severely bloodshot. More than they had been for the past few days. Eventually it got to the point that I couldn't open my right eye and I had to take my contacts out. It hurt whenever I was in bright light, so when I got home, I googled "eye problems related to sun exposure." The result that I got was a site telling me the following:
Eye pain or vision problems after being in the sun can be serious.
Symptoms of vision problems from sun exposure may include:
Partial or complete vision loss.
Burning pain.
A feeling that something is in your eye (foreign body sensation).
Decreased vision.
The eyes are very sensitive to sunlight. Sunburning your eyes can cause damage to the light-sensitive membrane that covers the inside of the eyeball (retina) or damage to the lens (which can eventually cause cataracts).
You might also have pain, more tearing, and a gritty feeling in your eyes if they have been sunburned. These symptoms usually begin several hours after being in the sun. If these symptoms do not go away, an evaluation by a health professional is needed.

Wonder-freaking-ful. My eyes are sunburned.

So, future advice for any marching band people, or anyone in a sport or outside job, whatever... wear sunglasses. Cause it hurts, for serious.

Peace & <3.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Those important to me.

At this point, I want to take some time to talk about the most important thing in my life. The relationship that I have with my friends is something so outstanding that I cannot even comprehend it. It's something that you just feel, and God help you if you ever try to consider the reasons why.

Amy - my best friend. For someone who I've only known for five years (pah! only...), this is a person who is like a sister to me. Same brain? Yeah, I think so. This is to all of those moments, when we think the same thoughts, and don't even have to say anything, when we say the same things and just bust out laughing because of it, when the most random things happen, that we just accept as normal though it is usually far from it. Two people who can not talk for a whole month, and then make up and have it feel like that void of time never existed. Yeah, envy that.

Mike - a person who has helped me figure out a lot of things about life. Seeing life from my perspective, however enlightening it may be, is so restrictive compared to being able to share my ideas and have them taken as something legit, and then being able to hear someone else's point of view. He and I are two people who, though maybe quite the same, take completely different roads to get there, but are able and willing to learn all about the other way. And I greatly appreciate everything I have gained from him.

Travis - So, if you know me (probably do, if you're reading this), you may think we hate each other, or we fight, or may even be surprised that he could be on my list of most important people ever. Hmm, well let's be mature people. Seriously, spending three years of your life with someone, you're going to take something from them, and in my case, I like to take something good from every situation. I think we've come to a point where we can both accept the reasons why we've both been such jerks to each other, and also realize the ways that we've changed. I don't agree with a lot of what Travis says =P but I respect him highly, and regard him as a wonderful person and very good and important friend.

Last, but in no way, (seriously... no way) least.
My best friend. My love. And yeah, my boyfriend. =)
Holden - Also, if you know me, you could be thinking, "really? again?" Yeah, well you can shut it. Imagine having someone that you can tell anything, but don't really have to because they already know everything about you. Someone that you've always been able to talk to, from the first day you met them. A person who understands, even if you have this weird awkward way of explaining things so that no one understands. A best friend, someone you just hang with and have a good time. Someone who can see what you give to the world, and then see past that to what you don't give to the world, and call you out on it, but not in a criticising way, in a respecting and loving and accepting way. And then imagine being completely and totally in love with that person. And them, them being completely in love with you. With everything that you don't want to show. They love it. Imagine that? Yeah, it's awesome and it's something I can't even comprehend. I know, I know, "high school is not the place for deep and lasting relationships." Except, I don't really believe that. I enjoy the fact that there would be someone that would want to know everything about me. That would want to experience everything with me. I just couldn't be with someone who hasn't been there with me, who I can't really be sure if I know everything about. What could be better than being with someone who has been there with you always, through most of the years of your life, laughing and loving and living with you. Nothing? Oh yeah, that's what I thought. This isn't a stage where I'm in high school mode anymore. Soon, I will be planning and shaping my life. So, all of you who want to down on high school relationships, go ahead because I don't consider this one. This is something completely different than I've known. I've known the happiness of being with him, but the complete realization that this isn't going away this time just hasn't set in yet. That's a realization that I have anew every single morning, and I wake up excited about life and the future every day. And it's wonderful.

So, now that I've rambled about how grossly in love I am (which I'm sure you're all completely eager to hear about, ha!) I just want to say that I love all of my friends, and I wanted to do this, to put this out there, because even if we don't stay in touch too much after school, these people, these few people have shaped my life in ways you could never even imagine. I would not be as outgoing, imaginative, or probably as sane as I am now if it weren't for them. Friendship is truly a love like no other, and the nights, the parties, the long talks, the laughs and tears, that is what makes up my life, my happiness. My family. I love you all.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

How band camp and life goes, at the moment...

Ah so I have not written in a few days. Hmm, I guess I'll just start with guard and band camp then. So, the guard has had a total of four practices since I last posted. And I must say, I did not realize how much I loved and missed my guard until I went to practice. I remembered why it is that I love what I do so much. These girls (and two guys) are people from all different social circles. Completely different people that never would have talked to each other outside of this program. And they come to be your family. It's just amazing, something that I can't explain. And, learning sabre work today and yesterday at band camp, I remembered the feeling of performance. Just being able to have fun and make faces, and make people laugh while doing it. I love being out there on the field, and hearing the crowd and knowing that the cheering that they're doing, the happiness they're experiencing, you took part in giving them. It's the most amazing feeling ever. Our show this year is going to be awesome, and I couldn't be more excited that my senior year will be spent marching this show.

And on the social life side of things... it's interesting. Quite interesting. I think I've had more surprising things happen to me (good and bad) in the past four days than I've had happen in the past six months. But I enjoy it. I enjoy just living, without expectations. That way you're never let down, and you're always surprised. It keeps life interesting and fun. Anyway, I have a feeling that sometime soon there will be some interesting relationship details. :) Ah, I am excited for what the rest of my life has to offer.

"Regardless of warning, the future doesn't scare me at all."

Yeah. Thank you Simple and Clean. :)
Peace all. <3

Friday, August 1, 2008

Summer's end...

So, today marks the effective end of summer for me. Though we don't go back to school until the first of September, guard practice starts today and lasts all of August. That's right, our practice starts even before band camp, cause we're hardcore. I've had lots of things on my mind lately, but none of those things are complete enough ideas to be able to write or make sense of. But something that I noticed yesterday got me thinking, and it kinda relates to this whole summer ending thing.
My dad listens to Rush Limbaugh on 1140, and this week he will have been on the radio for twenty years. Now, I can remember as a kid my dad always listening to Rush, and, of course as a small child I thought, "well, he must have been listening to him for years." It's interesting that at that time, he had only been on the radio for three years or so. That made me realize that, rounding up of course, I am almost twenty years old. I have friends that will be twenty and twenty-one. I'm closer to the two decade mark than the one decade mark. And that's strange to me. Time is a very weird thing. That back in eighth grade, when my friends and I thought we had all of the answers, we were barely thirteen. Thirteen!! And we thought we knew about love and life and everything. Now, at sixteen, I feel like I'm so much older, but sixteen sounds like such a small number. Hell, seventeen even does. It's so intriguing how all of those memories can seem so far, and so close. It was just yesterday, but we were so young. And now, my summer's over, but we just got out of school about a month ago. And yet, it's felt like forever getting here. Of course, maybe I'm getting in over my head trying to comprehend time, but you know, it's what I think about.

Well, anyway, in other news my life has been pretty routine, but good. My best friend Amy, who I was in a massive silent fight with, and I finally worked it out. By just talking again like nothing had ever been wrong. Yeah, best friends can do that. And, my dad and I went to see a movie last night, and we went to see Foreigner at Innsbrook the night before (yeah, be jealous. It rocked). We're actually getting to do stuff together again, like we used to when I was a kid. It sucks that there's not much time left for all of that, but better late than never I suppose. And other than that, it's just being myself, trying to figure things out with my friends, trying not to worry, and waiting for all of the fun stuff to start up again. And now, I must be off to prepare for my guard practice. :) Peace.