Friday, February 26, 2010

To stand (v.):

1. to take a position or place.
2. to take up or maintain a position or attitude.
3. to remain firm or steadfast.
When we first met, I was in the process of making myself into the person I had always wanted to be. And it wasn't because of you. All you did was show me that the person I had become was someone worth loving... someone to be proud of. And I loved me. And I was proud of myself.
When this first started, I told myself, and everyone else, that I could stand alone. So, that's what I'm going to do.
When this first started, I said, "I am who I am, with or without you." I think it's time that I proved that.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Serenity (n.):

1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil.
Maybe it's time that I just sat back and let life come as it will. Because life is too short to stress over. And we are not in control. It is not up to us to decide what happens in the universe. It is only up to us to decide how we're going to react to it.

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

To belong (v.):

1. to be proper or due; to be properly or appropriately placed, situated, etc.
Sweatpants. Tank top. Early morning. Laying on the hard, concrete gym floor. The smell of paint, floor, guard. The most comfortable place I've ever slept. Every muscle aching, feet throbbing, bruises in places I didn't even realize. Incessant clapping. Yelling. "Oh dear God, we need to do that again." Rifles dropping. Poles clanking against each other. Sun shining through the flags in the windowsill. Dusty bars of light falling on the floor, making the shooting star sparkle even more than usual. And amidst all of the pain, the noise, the fatigue, the sweat and tears and the long hours, I find peace.

I know, this is exactly where I belong.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Love (n.):

1. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.
2. a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair.
3. a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, arising from a sense of underlying oneness.
I carry love on my arms,
And scars in my heart.

I know I shouldn't blame it on love. Love did not hurt me. In fact, love is the only thing in the world that can take it away. But the scars remind me that the past is real. And maybe they'll remind me to think twice before I even let myself come close to falling in love again.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Expectation (n.):

1. something expected; a thing to look forward to.
2. a prospect of future good or profit.
The best things in life happen when you least expect them. I guess it's just natural to start expecting things of people... we come to accept what they do as normal, and then when it changes, we're completely thrown off base. Well no more. Having no expectations is the only sure-fire way in this world to guarantee that I won't be disappointed. It's the only way to make sure that I don't take for granted the things that I have been blessed with.

Expect nothing, and appreciate everything.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Hope (n.):

1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
2. a person or thing in which expectations are centered.
3. something that is hoped for.
"She's just a stupid little girl, with hopes much too high, and feelings way too strong... especially for a boy like you."

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Particular (adj.):

1. exceptionally selective, attentive, or exacting; picky.
Maybe it shouldn't be that we don't let ourselves trust anyone. Maybe we should just be more selective when it comes to who we let in. Maybe we should take a look around us, at who has really been there, and realize that no, it's not that we have trust issues, it's just that we know who we can trust... and that those select few are more than enough. :)

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Fair (adj.):

1. free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice.
2. consistent with rules, logic, or ethics.
Ex. "All is fair in love in war."

Well I certainly hope all is not fair in love and war. Because, if all is fair in love, then there's no way that this can be love.

Wasted (adj.):

1. done to no avail; useless.
2. not profitably used.
Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted.

i.e. Vegging with your bestie watching The Office for seven hours during a snowstorm. (:

Thursday, February 4, 2010

To be (v.):

1. used as a copula, to connect the subject with its adjective, in order to describe or identify the subject.
I was damaged. I was not strong. I was broken. I was ruined. I was falling. I was failing. I was found. I was amazing. I was better than that. I was strong. I was different. I was special. I was stunning. I was everything you wanted. I was your love. I was hurt. I was wrong. I was not the only one you thought of. I was shattered.
I am not weak. I am not pathetic. I am happy. I am beautiful. I am proud. I am stubborn. I am not letting this control me. I am not perfect. I am worth it. And I am pissing you off. I am confused as to what you want me to be.
I am forgiving. I am willing. I am waiting. I am better than this.

To convince (v.):

1. to move by argument or evidence to belief.
2. to persuade; cajole.
I don't need you to pay attention to me to know that I'm eye-catching. I don't care that you'll only approach me in private, because I know that I'm worth showing off, and that you're missing out. It doesn't matter if you're smiling with another girl, because I can still laugh with or without you there. I'm not going to give you a second look, because I'm not going to be there at your disposal. I don't have to let you in. I don't have to take you back.
I don't have to tell myself these things. But maybe if I do... one day I'll actually believe them with everything I have.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Maybe (adv.):

1. perhaps; possibly.
Ex. Maybe it doesn't have to be that big of a deal. Maybe she's a bitch, but she's the one who's satisfied. Maybe I should stop worrying about what will make me better than them, and start worrying about what will make me happy. Maybe I should pray. Maybe I am scared, but who isn't? Maybe tomorrow will be the best day of my life. Maybe I'm damaged, but at least it lets me know that I can survive. Maybe laughter is all I really need. Maybe I am hurting, but at least I know I'm alive. Maybe he's lying. Or maybe they're wrong. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I don't know where I'm going, but I have fun getting there anyway. Maybe it's that simple. Maybe I am enough.