Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fear (n.):

1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude.
4. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid.
My greatest fears:
Coming home one day and my cat having died.
Certain people in my life never knowing how sorry I really am for the things I've done.
That I've already hit my peak in beauty, and it's all downhill from here.
The day that I can't dance anymore.
Being alone.
Having a daughter like me.
Never having a career that I'm truly satisfied with.
Riding a bike.
Myself, sometimes.

Friday, January 28, 2011

To pray (v.):

1. to utter prayers (to God or other object of worship).
2. to enter into spiritual communion with God or an object of worship through prayer.
3. to make an earnest entreaty (to or for); beg or implore.
"I run the house. I sleep alone. I live for letters, And the phone calls home. I pray for strength. I pray for peace. I pray that he Comes home to me. And if you would, Please pray for me."

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The moment you give up.

I can't do this.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The moment you just admit it.

Yeah, I'm pretty messed up. I fly off the handle. I don't manage my emotions as well as I could. I haven't treated myself as well as I should have in the past. I've been very very lost. I have memories and scars that will never fade.

And I have friends who love me anyway. I have... a pretty great life. I've turned myself around. I can be successful. I've become stronger. I have a reason to face down the demons. I know I've got to keep going. Whoever is at fault, and whatever regrets I might have... none of it really matters. Because I'm here... by the grace of God I'm here, and I'm here for a reason. And that's the only thing that really means anything. And for that reason, I am thankful. And for that reason, I am proud... even of my messed up self.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The moment your ears start to burn...

Just once I want to say, "I miss you," and have you hear me.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The moment you figure out how to simplify it...

I can't wait to just move on with our life.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The moment you figure it all out...

"We're only just as happy as everyone else seems to think we are."

Friday, January 7, 2011

The moment I hear that old song...

I remember a time when these songs and each other were all we had. The music defined us, it got us through the best and worst of times, it was what we lived by. I remember it, and I realize, life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The moment your name pops up on my phone...

...I can't pretend like I've got it all under control anymore.
The tears just start coming like something I can't control. It's good, because I get to see your words, hear your voice, know what you're doing and how you're doing. It's bad because I know it's only temporary, and that you're getting that much further away. But I'm blessed, nevertheless, for the moments that I have. These are the moments I have to cling to, and they'll carry me through.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The moment I have dreaded for months...

It finally came. No longer is it a distant possibility. No longer is it unreal. It's past. It's a memory. It's the beginning of a long and difficult 15 weeks. It's breaking my heart.

I'll miss you like you'll never know.

109 days...