Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Time heals all wounds?

So, I was talking to a friend today, with whom I happen to have a very colorful past. Talking about regrets I've realized what regrets really are to me, and what blame is. I've only ever regretted two things in my life. And yeah yeah I know, live without regrets because at one point it was exactly what you wanted. Except, these things weren't what I wanted. In both situations, I tried to manipulate someone into acting a certain way. Like throwing a temper tantrum to get your parents to give you what you want. The thing is, in these situations, he did not react the way I expected. And I realized that I had messed up.

The common phrase is "time heals all wounds." I for one, do not believe that. Healed wounds leave scars. And yes, while you cannot currently feel the pain anymore, you can remember how it felt. I do believe though, that time heals all regrets. Someone going through a rough patch might hate to hear "if it's meant to happen it will," and yes I know from experience, but eventually, when things get better you realize that it's true. If some things hadn't gone wrong, you wouldn't be in that exact place at the right time that day that something amazing happens to you. So, do I have any regrets? The answer is no. But I can accept that I have had.

I've also realized that I've been blaming myself for things that, really, I could not control. It hit me when he said "I regret blah-de-blah" and I said "but I made you do that." He said no, you gave me a choice, and I chose. All those things, wasted chances, failed starts, that I had been blaming myself for, I now realize aren't my fault. And I'm not saying that they're his either. He chose what would make him happy. And I never expect that someone else should chose a path simply because it's what I want them to do. Everyone should chose the path best for them. So, whereas I am not without blame, and I am not wonderfully merciful all the time either, I have found out where the blame should fall, and when it should as well.

And now that I've blathered on for three paragraphs...

Today my dad and I started moving my stepmother's and stepsister's stuff out of our storage room to theirs. Why were we moving their stuff? Yeah that's what I want to know too. Anyway, the most eventful part of that was that we found two black widows in our storage space (GAH!! I have arachnophobia...), and a HUGE ASS BEETLE. Yes, an assbeetle. Oh goodness, so I wanted to take a picture of it, but I fail so instead, I shall just post a picture of a huge assmoth from my conversation with Mike last night.

And with that, I bid you all adieu. :)


Monday, July 28, 2008

A little about me and my ideals to get this thingy thing started...

so i guess i should start off with why i wanted to start blogging in the first place. i've never understood the whole thing of just talking about your life, cause i never think that anyone would want to read about the sometimes dull events of my days. so no, i'm not doing this to talk about myself, or even to share my philosophies with the world and try to inspire others. i've reached a crossroads in my life, a big one, and it's time that i took a step back and evaluated things. i know which path feels perfectly right, but there are many things telling me that that path may not work out. the best way for me to think is by writing; i am a visual learner. :)
so here it goes...

The basics: I'm Chelsea Laine. I'm a senior. I am a perfectionist, and I haven't figured out if that's good or bad yet. I have the best friends in the world, and have had for six years now. I love to laugh, and I love to learn. If you've been around me at school or something, you may think that you know me, but I can assure you that you don't. Even some of my closest friends don't. That's not to say that I don't trust people. People just don't always understand why I do some of the things that I do. So even if I tried to make them understand, they wouldn't. And people judge. I do have... skeletons in my closet, if you will. Except they're not really in the closet. They're not haunting me. They more like... live in my room, not hanging over me, but beside me, encouraging me to grow. They're friendly skeletons. Like if Casper were a bone structure instead of a soul. Yeah, anyway the point of all of this is that no matter what gets said about me, or what I have done, I take it in stride and learn from my mistakes. What else can I do? The past is past. Use it to get better. (So maybe that can be taken as inspirational words to help others but hey, I'm just trying to organize myself. I am a perfectionist. I like order.)

Sooo, that's my major belief, in a nutshell, partnered with openmindedness and loyalty. Seeing as I'm just getting started with all of this, that's all I can think of to say, but no worries (if you are actually interested in this), I'm sure I shall have more enlightening ideas soon.