Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Time heals all wounds?

So, I was talking to a friend today, with whom I happen to have a very colorful past. Talking about regrets I've realized what regrets really are to me, and what blame is. I've only ever regretted two things in my life. And yeah yeah I know, live without regrets because at one point it was exactly what you wanted. Except, these things weren't what I wanted. In both situations, I tried to manipulate someone into acting a certain way. Like throwing a temper tantrum to get your parents to give you what you want. The thing is, in these situations, he did not react the way I expected. And I realized that I had messed up.

The common phrase is "time heals all wounds." I for one, do not believe that. Healed wounds leave scars. And yes, while you cannot currently feel the pain anymore, you can remember how it felt. I do believe though, that time heals all regrets. Someone going through a rough patch might hate to hear "if it's meant to happen it will," and yes I know from experience, but eventually, when things get better you realize that it's true. If some things hadn't gone wrong, you wouldn't be in that exact place at the right time that day that something amazing happens to you. So, do I have any regrets? The answer is no. But I can accept that I have had.

I've also realized that I've been blaming myself for things that, really, I could not control. It hit me when he said "I regret blah-de-blah" and I said "but I made you do that." He said no, you gave me a choice, and I chose. All those things, wasted chances, failed starts, that I had been blaming myself for, I now realize aren't my fault. And I'm not saying that they're his either. He chose what would make him happy. And I never expect that someone else should chose a path simply because it's what I want them to do. Everyone should chose the path best for them. So, whereas I am not without blame, and I am not wonderfully merciful all the time either, I have found out where the blame should fall, and when it should as well.

And now that I've blathered on for three paragraphs...

Today my dad and I started moving my stepmother's and stepsister's stuff out of our storage room to theirs. Why were we moving their stuff? Yeah that's what I want to know too. Anyway, the most eventful part of that was that we found two black widows in our storage space (GAH!! I have arachnophobia...), and a HUGE ASS BEETLE. Yes, an assbeetle. Oh goodness, so I wanted to take a picture of it, but I fail so instead, I shall just post a picture of a huge assmoth from my conversation with Mike last night.

And with that, I bid you all adieu. :)


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