My confession...

I need help.

My realization:
I don't know who I am.

Are we growing up? Or just going down?

It seems that life is getting the better of me these days. And it makes me laugh a little... to remember that time when I realized how stress-free 8th grade really was... and now... I'm realizing how stress-free high school was compared to, you know, life. Not that it wasn't tough. It's just nothing comparatively.

Lately I feel that I don't really know who I am. What's new? 18-year old, freshman college student... But I never thought I'd be one of those. I guess I was wrong again. And maybe it's not so much that I don't know who I am... as I know exactly who I am, and I just can't be that person. Maybe that should tell me something... yet, what I am to do about it I'm really not sure.

What do I love? I love driving... taking photos... playing frisbee in the park... performing... dinner & a movie... bumming around with my best friend... watching scary movies with the guys... kicking back... watching football games... going to the beach... being free from the world...
and most of it is so far out of my reach.

What I do have though.
My love of the River City. I live in the Honors College Housing, across from a deserted bookstore, a club, and a hookah bar. The diversity makes me so happy. (:

I have an upcoming officer position in Green Unity. And I could not be more supertotallystoked! :D

I have my bestie. One block down.

And. I have my determination. And I've never been one to give up. Or I've never wanted to be. I guess I actually have to work for those things that I crave now. I'll have to work really really hard.
And I will.

"Sleep's just time spent wasting time..."

Insomnia... I have experienced both extreme sides of it in the past week or two. Clearly detrimental effects are present... it removes the ability to feel anything else. One becomes too exhausted to even experience emotion.

But the aspect that is becoming more apparent to me now is that of experiencing every moment of life that I can. I don't want to sleep. I fear that I will miss out on life... I fear that I will miss something... Miss an experience... Miss a fun time... Miss a new friend. Life is full of unknown and unpredictable encounters... how am I going to just sleep that away? I'd rather dance... I'd rather laugh... I'd rather learn... I'd rather love... I want to live my life, and not only to live it, but to experience it. I want to breathe it, love it, own it. At every turn. At every hour. At every opportunity.

I want everything that life has to offer. I am not about to miss one single moment of beauty.

Peace. (: