Tuesday, September 16, 2008

So, what does it feel like to be seventeen?

The same. And how does it feel to be a senior? The same. Except more stressed out. I should be studying more, sleeping more, on the computer less. I should be applying to colleges, taking my SATs, writing scholarship essays. But I'm not. We always had so much time. And now it's here. I'm going to fail massively.

Hmm... so it looks like this post is going to become a conglomerate of a bunch of different thoughts. But hey, what is this blog for? It's really cool, finally being older, to be the one who someone else looks up to. I know I had that person, that role model, who, whether they always did the right thing or not, did give me some important things that have made me who I am today. I know that I could not be more thankful for some of the things Erin Jackson gave me. My level of performance and dedication, my leadership skills, my sabre technique, and my captain binder... just to name a few. I know what it's like to have someone to look up to, to strive to be more like, who makes you push yourself to try harder and be better. And I've always hoped that I could be that to someone else. And now that maybe I am, I feel so... worried?... that I'll lead the wrong way or confused?... that I would even be looked up to. But nonetheless, it's cool to be that for another person. To be someone who won't stab them in the back, who can help them through all the drama and bullshit, and provide a mellow, experienced perspective on the drama of life. And I know I couldn't do it without those (or the person) who influenced me. So, yes, I must thank Erin, for being that friend and role model to me. And Morgan, for being the one who looks up to me and trusts me.

Ummm, chemistry is making my mind explode. I love chemistry. But I need a break. And that fact makes me want to cry.

We have five more practices before we compete in our first show. There is noooo wayyy we're going to be ready. And after that, it's all going to go so fast. I'm ready for winter. But I'm not ready for it all to fly by.

And as for the accident that we had at practice a few weeks ago... I have so much to say, and yet can't find the words to express the feelings that went through me that day. Shock, despair, comfort, and one of the bigger realizations of my life. I've not been the religious type really, and technically, I'm still not. But, not liking my religion was kind of an excuse for not really being sure if I believed in God or not. I still don't agree with organized religion really, but I know that I believe in God. That He could take such a desperate and terrible situation, and bring a group of people together, in His name; people who dislike each other, believe different things, feel different things; it was the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed, and at that point I knew that there is something more than us. We are not in control. He gives us the choice. But, at times like those, He will take us and get us through whatever it is that we're facing. My prayers are with Neil and his family, and I thank God that it wasn't as bad as it could've been. We all love Neil and need him very much. Especially the drumline. My heart goes out to them too...

So, I guess that's it for my random thoughts.
paz y amor.

And thanks to all of my friends who made my birthday freaking SWEETTTT!!! =)

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