Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Semper Fi...

The deed is done... the contract is signed... I saw it... held it... And suddenly it's all very very real. This can't be taken back. It's all right there, printed in bold black letters... "I am enlisting in the Marine Corps Reserve this date for 8 years..."
I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting... And I know I'm definitely not used to it. I know he has to do it. It's just one of those Holden things. And I'd never stop him from carrying out any of his dreams. I'm just not sure how to handle it. When it comes that is. I've spent so much of the years that we've had together missing him and waiting for him... I just don't want that to be what my life becomes. I've never been apart from him for more than a few weeks, much less a whole summer... or more. And I don't even want to get started on what happens if he has to be deployed... It's something I can't even think about.
I know he has to do this. And I know he's going to do it in a way that is best for us and our potential family. But nothing is as good as it could be. Anything that takes him away from me... well it's not too popular in my eyes.
I just want to live. I want to live where I want... move when and if I want... I don't want my life dictated by someone else. And it would all be okay... As long as I have Holden. I know that. I'm just afraid that I won't. And for once... I'm really really scared.
But he needs me. And I'll be here. No matter what, I'll support him and stand by his side. Because it's my favorite place... and it's exactly where I need to be.

Semper fi... Always Faithful.

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