Monday, June 1, 2009

Moving on...

So yeah, my last post was cut short... I feel like I was distracted somehow by Shelby running in frantically telling us that she had answered the phone inappropriately and it had been the front desk... :) good times.

But now... Now is graduation time. Today was my first day off of school. And already I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I should be sad, or scared, or something at least... But I don't seem to have the capacity to feel... I believe that this change is all just so enormous that I can't even rightly comprehend it. I should be remembering these last few months... But somehow it feels so unreal. Yet I know that when these two months fly by and August 15 comes and I am moving into my dorm, to live on my own... It will be very very real.

Time is something so utterly incomprehensible to me. (Don't ever try to talk to me about time travel, you'll be explaining for hours.) What happened to yesterday, when I was in eighth grade? When high school was new to me, and guard was frightening... When I didn't know Shelby, Becca, Heather, Erin, Matthew, Bridgette, or Morgan... When life was simple (though we didn't believe it)...

Is it really my time to go like I've watched so many others do? This day would never come, and yet here it is, four days off. Just like it doesn't seem like I'll ever be in that dorm, or in college. It's all like a dream.

Somehow I've been prepared, yet I know I am not... Not when I'm little more than that silly, insecure eighth grader that I was not long ago.

And what of my relationships? The people who have been my life for 7, 8, even 9 years... Will slowly fade from my daily life... Into my high school aquaintances. It makes me feel old.

All I know is that it's coming no matter what, and all the pondering in the world that I can do will not stop it. So, here I am... prepared to take what life gives me, and make it work.

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